Childless or Childfree?

By 9 mayo, 2020English:Blog

Having a child or not should be one of the biggest decisions of your life, yet for so many couples it seems like a decision made on autopilot i.e. go to university, get a boyfriend or girlfriend, get a job and have a baby.

Many couples decide to have a baby regardless of their financial situation, because of the woman’s biological clock with a «now or never» attitude.

I believe this is a mistake as they are putting their own needs first, instead of those of the future child who needs parents who can offer an emotionally safe, and financially stable environment in which to be raised. I often hear the arguement that a child doesn’t need money but just love and kisses.

Tell that to your landlord or bank manager 😉

Of course ….. even before the child is born, the couple are already counting on the help of their parents and grandparents to babysit and even take on some of the financial burden.

So …. in conclusion they are planning on having a child that they as parents cannot provide for neither financially nor timewise.

In some cases, they are even expecting greater society and the government to take care of their children for them.

If I told you of a friend who bought a 250.000 euro Ferrari that he or she couldn’t afford and had to borrow money from their family, friends and even take out an 18 year government loan. You would say that that person was being irresponsible and living beyond their means.

It is now a fact that in Spain 60% of marriages end up in divorce, often due to the financial pressure that the couple is living under, especially with the full time demand of a career and child in tow.

Another question which is rarely even considered by most couples is the option of adopting instead of having biological children.

It seems that men and women are besotted with the idea of having a baby …. but only a biological one that looks, walks and talks the same as them. In other words … their «spitting image» an extension of themselves…. a symbol of their love for each other.

I feel that the real purpose of raising a child should be regardless of whether the child has the same genetic sequence as you. This kind of thinking seems neanderthal and unevolved to me. At the end of the day …. your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t have the same genetical sequence as you … and in spite of that you still love them.

There is also a blatant contradiction staring back at the biological parent …. as they say they love children but only biological ones …. well then in that case, you don’t love children which seems like an unhealthy attitude to have for someone who is going to introduce another person into society who will live on for the next 80 years.

In fact … there are thousands of babysitters, nurses and nursery teachers who look after children as a full time job who on the face of it seem more qualified to become parents as it is already their vocation.

Another common reason biological parents give for not wanting to adopt is that the waiting list for adoption is too long and complicated, so that by the time you finally receive the child, he or she has already grown up.

Obviously …. adopting a child is not like ordering a pizza crudely speaking. So this arguement seems nonsensical at best.

It is also argued that adopted children are traumatized and more problematic than biological children. Yet what those potential parents seem to forget is that every orphan was created by biological parents who for one reason or another were incapable of looking after their own biological children and therefore had to give them up for adoption.

It is then with a big heart that adopting parents (be they gay or heterosexual) step in and provide a loving home that their biological parents couldn’t provide.

This …. of course is without going into other global issues such as overpopulation and sustainability in a world of 7.8 billion people which is expected to reach 8 billion by 2023. But I shall cover that issue in a seperate blog.

Another aspect to this theme is the question of being «childless» or «childfree». Even in today’s modern society, most traditionally thinking men and women ask the typical question to all couples of «When are you having children?». Although an innocent question …. an equally pressing question to the enquiring couple could be «So ….. When are you getting divorced?» statistically the latter is much more probable.

It seems as though … the simple fact of a couple living together only because they like each other is not a good enough reason or purpose in life as old «childless» stigmas persist.

Having said all this, if you are in a loving, emotionally stable relationship in which both of you have a steady income …. only then …. is the time to seriously consider starting a family in a responsible way.

If you wish to express your own opinion on such issues …. I look forward to seeing you in class.